Big concerns that I have and had about my first paper would include sentence structure. I am often one to ramble on and create run-ons as well as fragments, so I definitely need to revise for those. In addition I am also worried about organization, I believe I have all of my ideas there yet I think I can organize them to flow better as well as making sure that my claim is carried throughout. For example including my two summary paragraphs in the beginning into my work. Along with this I believe I could work on elaboration in some areas to strengthen my point, I know I often become worse as writing the more I write, due to me losing energy. I believe my peers liked my strong ideas and claims but agree with me on needing to work on carrying my thesis throughout as well as organization of my essay. For example, Ben said “Strong. You’re clearly stating your claim for the reader. ” Yet later on he mentions “This is a good claim but I feel that this wasn’t clear in the essay. Maybe state something similar earlier in the essay so the reader knows your stance.” So definitely have some work to do on that area. I believe I use Gee the same amount as Cuddy, yet my peers believe I favor Cuddy more since I typically agree with her opinions over Gee’s. Therefore I should include more background information and more of Gee’s opinions throughout my essay. I use his ideas of mushfake and describe Discourse but perhaps I can add more complexity. As I just mentioned I worked very well with Cuddy’s statements throughout my paper, I often agreed with her position over Gees’. For example Ben said, “Good, ties back to what Cuddy says that one can fake it till they become it”. Proving not only that used her work but I related it to Gees’! According to my peers I need to work my summary of Gee and Cuddy into my body paragraphs instead of stating them at the beginning. This would help with the organization as well as stating my thesis throughout, they liked how I stated it at the beginning yet I didn’t often connect the evidence to it. So I would elaborate more and tie it back to the theme, as well as potentially adding some complexity to it by branching out with my thesis. Lastly and overall I will help the reader get my perspective by cleaning up the structure and making sure to revisit my thesis.
